So, since it took me so long because of computer issues, I decided maybe if it isn't too much, to give you a summary as you have written. I hope that is alright.
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I have been on deviant art for awhile. I had an old account but it was hacked hence this one, this one is some years old however so its been awhile. yeah. awhile.
My username is complicated I guess, also more sentimental than anything else. An old friend taught me to name the children I miscarried ages ago, well Aurora was going to be her name so I didn't take it from her just because she wasn't a human being to the rest of the world yet, she was still my baby even if she wasn't born or even old enough to know for sure if she was supposed to be a girl yet or not. Yes, had a name for a boy just in case. Anyway, someone dosed me with their medications without my permission or even my knowledge making the decision to force a miscarriage for me. I have never forgiven nor will I ever forgive that person. We no longer speak and when I think of her, it is with feelings of betrayal, anger, and hate. She stopped taking her medications and thought she was more than she was. She made decisions that were unforgivable and destroyed my life in so many ways from so many angles, that was not the only such choice. Anyway, it is her name. My babies name. She was never born but she would have been the younger sister of both of my sons. I was... upset when with the muscle spasms afterwards even months later, this one lady kept insisting I was pregnant. Rest assured, someone actually checked and no, I wasn't pregnant. It was just... too much emotional stress and with what Suzanne had done... well... who knows? Could have been lingering effect from what she did with those medications too. As far as I am concerned she can never redeem herself. She is the one who made the call saying I thought my cat could turn into a person, the one that they took my kids because of saying 'people with mental illness shouldn't have children' and she is the one who dosed me and my ex husband with her medications when she wasn't taking them herself, also put down her cat with them too. The woman... when not on her meds... she is fucking psychotic. She did it because I told her that she needed to move out of the spare room when she stopped taking them, because on them she was great but off of them... well she's schizophrenic and rather cruel off of them. Like... one of the few people who is outright the person who off of them probably strings up little animals or something. I don't know. All I know is I didn't feel safe with her in my home with me and my children when she had stopped taking her medications and was acting in ways that made me not feel safe. Anyway, I consider her murdered before birth as my twin sister was in my grandmothers attempt to forcefully terminate me and my twin while mom was pregnant with us. I, obviously, survived. I suppose you could say, it might represent loss, pain, life never let to live, and a love I never got to hold in my arms. I loved all of my children dearly, both born and not born. I will hate Suzanne, a woman I once trusted completely, probably well into the next life and beyond because of what she did. I was once her apprentice, when she was taking her medications. She still tells people, last I heard, that she is a high priestess. As far as I am concerned, you never come back from that. In wicca their is no harm allowed and those who do harm are fallen from the path of wiccan and to me, their is no redemption from the harm she did because their is no end to the harm she inflicted both directly and indirectly, through other people. My daughters name is my torch, a reminder in a way, that while much of what is lost is gone we will meet again on the other side and that what is not lost to death, their is hope we may meet again in this life and if not in this life, then across the veil in summerland and perhaps, in the next life too. Lalune, means 'the moon'. In tarot cards the moon is a card warning of trouble, so I suppose you could interpret it that way, however that isn't why I picked it. My dad, before he called me luna when I couldn't pronounce it and kept saying 'lalala lunaaa' instead(in my defense I was a toddler/preschooler at the time and it was another language). It is a reminder that I remember him and of his promise. That as long as we look up at the same moon in the same sky, we are never truly apart. He was never around a lot because he was deployed a lot and so he would say that as long as we both looked at the same moon, our dark hours would always have light in our hearts, love from one another would always reach. I suppose even in death I treasure the memory when he said I was his moon, his little lalune. I was his light in the darkness even when the stars weren't anywhere he could see them. Even with no stars, he would say, no matter how soft the moon would reach him and I was his moon that reached him. I guess, the notion of my father, someone I lived most of my life not remembering but still clinging to the moniker luna even if people didn't exactly honor it and I wasn't exactly assertive about making them, for many years... our connection. Even in death may our love always reach through space, through time, no matter what separates. Not just with my dad but with my children and others I have lost either in death or through separation or misconception. May our hearts always connect even if it is but in the moonlight. It is a reminder for myself more than anything else, that despite the past afterwards with my grandmother and being in state "care" for awhile and all the shit I lived in my ten year long hell after mom died... that someone, somewhere once loved me enough to say I was his moon that shined even when the sky held no stars for him, that I was never waxing or waning but to him always a softly shining moon he could see and feel no matter what because he loved me, his daughter, and I him. It is a reminder for myself more than anything, that truly beautiful people exist in this world and that love like I love my children, was once given to me and not just by my mother but by my father too, the man my grandmother swore ran off on us. It means too much to really say in words but that is what I can think to put it in words off the top of my head. Sometimes, something small to you can hold a plethora of meaning to someone else.
Well, im loyal, I keep my promises even if it takes decades or more to do so... so maybe strange to some? I don't really know a word that describes that. I have been called kind but I am unsure if that truly describes me but... I know am honest. I know honest describes me. I am unsure what else to say. I don't have many nice words associated with myself in my mind and all of them have been said by other people and thoroughly picked apart by yours truly. I have been called strong but I disagree. I have been called kind and people have actually made compelling arguments so I am unsure because I feel it is too good a word to associate with myself and fear if I do then whatever it is they see will disappear because I will have changed. I have seen too many people say they are when they are not. I deal with things pretty head on and while I am afraid to post things openly, I still do it. Not sure what that says, pretty sure it makes me a fool though. I am pretty sure you can pick three words from that if you would like though.
Right handed, Ive always found fine motor skills easier in my right hand, irony is the gross motor skills tend to be better in my left. lol Irony. But uh yes, I draw and write with my right hand.
My first deviation huh, well it was on an old account.
lunaartemisdiana.deviantart.co…, those are my creations, a personal recipe of mine and a cake design i came up with albeit a bit simple, and the angle is supposed to make the smaller cake look bigger. Yes the table was stained, it was plastic and my ex husbands and he didn't take care of his things at all. The smaller cake was because we had talked and decided Rowan should have his own small cake for his birthday rather than cut from the rest, just a little special thing because he had that as a kid and he was the only dad Rowan had ever known.
lunaartemisdiana.deviantart.co… this was my first photo edit if your interested...
lunaartemisdiana.deviantart.co… and this was my terrible first attempt at drawing with a computer. A bunch of other stuff, some drawings, that was me trying to decide what style I liked best and varying aspects of my anime drawings. They weren't meant to wow anyone and I am unapologetic about the fact they will probably be little better than stick figured to many people. They are crappy quick drawings done with pen then colored with pencil. I don't expect them to wow anyone. The painting I took a photo of and that is posted through that profile doesn't show up for the most part in the picture, but I did that while I was pregnant with Rowan, it survived a fire my hand got burned severely by believe it or not. Burning hot wax fell and lit stuff up, it was the only thing untouched in that area where the fire was. Managed to stop it fairly quickly, but some medication I was bullied into trying had caused me to shake randomly and I had knocked it over during a ritual and well... I no longer use burning wax. Once you get second and third degree burns from it you sort of have an aversion to it. My painting was the only thing that didn't burn and unlike other things, had no smoke in the area where it was leaned up against either, nothing. Completely clean. I was honestly flabbergasted by it. Id been afraid it would burn and tried saving it. I couldn't save it and thought their would at least be a little water damage from the water to put out the fire but nope, once again, the only thing undamaged despite it was right smack in the middle of everything and should have been most damaged. I dunno, I think it is just something to ponder if you like that sort of thing, besides even if I know why I won't say why. lol Some things even I won't say on the Internet. I just figure it might be a nice mystery for you if you like that sort of thing.
If you want my first deviation for this profile... well that is nothing to be proud of either. lol I was doing more digital drawings... that was hard for me because I was doing it with a mouse and it just felt so wrong, so unnatural. Honestly, still does. I am very glad to have my tablet. Still feels unnatural but it isn't quite as wrong and definetally not so awkward.
If I could instantly master any style I have not... hm... well the way you answer it would be medium, many styles exist within each medium. hm... well... I would say I work pretty hard at impressionism and have it down fairly well so maybe id choose something Id not want to spend the time or money on and don't already have down fairly well... but would still want to do well in an instant... sculpting, specifically clay sculpting, id want to master the realistic style of sculpting with clay. I am crap at sculpting with clay, mostly because I have never had the money for the clay or the kiln and have had very little practice with it. Art takes practice in any medium. Much to my annoyance, being able to win contests with my traditional art when im trying, didn't mean my digital art wasn't going to look like little more than kid drawings at first. I was immensely frustrated but i have learned enough mediums to know, your worst is what you can expect when you start learning a whole new medium. you should have seen my first pastel. It was terrible, smudges in all the wrong places etc etc etc.
And my first water color painting? It dripped all over the place. Mind you I was a child but... I have never quite liked water color paints because of the lack of control over where it goes and its tendancy to drip down even if your careful. Took to pencils pretty quickly though.
Hm, my favorite type of art to create... well art is my favorite art to create. Lol, but I do have a favorite style of painting... impressionism. Realism I find boring to paint digitally or otherwise. I prefer impressionism, to leave an impression of feelings or of concepts, not just of someones face or a scenery, but to make the person feel something and think. I have little care about realism unless it is requested though I occasionally take care of my skills with such, I do not prefer it in the least. Its nice to look at, but i don't feel its quite my way of expressing. I prefer impressionism, where wreather or not something is realistic is not exactly as important as what it makes you feel or what it conveys to the person looking at it who didn't paint it. Like this one I did recently, not very realistic at all, but I leave a hint in the name that the perspective isn't quite what someone looking at it might think at first. A hint that if they think, perhaps that is grass and not bamboo and it is merely a whole different perspective through the mist. None of it is supposed to be clear, it is supposed to convey something not really mattering if its realistic or not. Once you learn how to draw realism... well I found it boring and just not my thing but a lot of people like it. I also like to write and have done that as long as anything else so... I mean I guess it just depends which is better for what I want to do, could be one or the other or could be both. To me, I am funny like that. I don't really look at it as separate, just different ways of the same thing. Art without expression is just an empty shell, yet one cannot do art without conveying or expressing something even if they themselves do not intend to do so. Sometimes it is more subconscious than conscious.
My first favorite, you know, I think it was the one on my old profile, with Rowan, that was the day we brought him home, and the picture where I painted in the fairy light halo and the little crappy digital drawing of a fairy.
I like to read and I like to look at paintings and drawings... so... when I have time I do both... so I can't exactly say I have any favorite. I love art, it is the heart conveyed even when it is not meant to be. To me, it is all beautiful for that one simple reason. Accept mine. Then again, who thinks their own art is beautiful? lol
I don't remember what I first gave a favorite on, that was a long time ago but I think it was a friend of mines from that time, goes by yuki mostly online, but her name is something else I doubt she would like if someone said openly. I do however favorite visual art more than written simply because I sadly, do not have the time to read everything out their and decide what is and is not my favorite. I usually undertake group related stuff to do with writing though when I have the time, cuz other mods don't like it as much or simply don't have the time to read and approve or disprove written works.
I don't really have an all time favorite deviant artist. My all time favorite artist isn't on deviantart and has been dead longer than I have been alive. However, to me it is all beautiful because it is pieces of our hearts. Within each piece we all put part of ourselves. So to me, no matter the skill or the technique or the style, it is all beautiful. I can go over technical stuff all day, but to me it is all beautiful because it is all part of peoples hearts. The parts they acknowledge and the ones they do not, the parts that are obvious and the parts that are not. The purity of expression itself in such a way, is itself beautiful to me. Accept my own of course but... I think I am aloud to feel how I feel as others are free to feel how they feel.
Hm, i don't know, their are several id like to meet in person. You included. I am sure both you and your mom are warm hearted people, at least if your anything to go by.
Uh... I don't know if I can say without feeling bit like im saying too much, but Muninniguh helped me through a rough time for awhile. others have been kind to me and have talked with me and I would say that is wonderful and worth mentioning as well. I would say many have impacted my life without ever realizing it. Some for good and some for ill but... I also believe all of us impact one another's lives wreather we ourselves think so or not, that in some way their is an effect rippling through that many never realize exists and few ever learn to track. I like to think kindness and honesty grow through people just as cruelty and corruption spread and corrode like some screwed up disease. It might seem like a harsh view but it is the truth of what I feel and think about it.
You viva, are loved as well.
My preferred tools are good old fashioned paper and pencils, sketch paper and prisma colored pencils to be exact. Those type of colored pencils are blending heaven. As you can probably tell from my preference of the smudge tool, I love my blending and pencils... well they allow for many colors to be blended together much more so than digital art. I have always held a special place for colored pencils and in particular, that sort of colored pencils.
Most inspirational... depends but... when I was younger I used to go out and draw plants a lot. I enjoy nature and natural settings, they tend to inspire me quite a lot. People however, can also be inspiring, just depends on the mood I guess. Nature though... is always inspiring no matter the mood.
A deviant art memory... meeting the people i have met that turned out to be nice people, I don't suppose that would count would it? I mean, I have met a few very nice and some very interesting people from different places on here... sure their are assholes but many people are nice and I treasure each meeting in which the person is truly a warm heart underneath, even if sometimes not everyone thinks so at first glance. I am not an appearances sort of person. I prefer to look underneath even if some people don't like that I don't go off of appearances(usually such people also dislike my honesty as well). Those who don't like it can kiss my ass, pardon my language, however i treasure each memory of meeting someone who warms the heart because they have a warm heart. so... please don't make me choose one.
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I apologize for taking so long to get to read your entry. It won't show up on the app I have been stuck using. The app apparently doesn't show journals with the fancy pretty stuff, just plain entries. I will be back to being stuck using it. The wifi reciever is broken on our laptop and it is so old it apparently doesn't read wireless usb things either... so... basically when my fiance is home and not using his cell phone I can use it when I am not busy... basically.. not often. I am mostly stuck with the app until we can save up for a new laptop that is decent enough to last like this one has. it is over fifteen years old. Needless to say, both me and my fiance take very good care of our things. My desktop is nearly twenty years old and i still have it, though it had to be retired from the Internet at about this age, for a different issue but retired none the less, because it could no longer withstand the demands even with the added memory and improved processing, their just wasn't enough oomph left in the old girl to handle all the demands the antivirus and whatnot have compared to way back when it was made, that alone was too much let alone pretty much everything else. If I hooked the old girl up today, so long as I brushed her out so the dust didn't short her out, she'd still work. I just sort of put her away cuz the old girl takes up a lot of room. Our dinky desk isn't even big enough for my desktop so I just put her away for safe keeping till I can brush her off again. Anyway... not good for Internet but still good for stuff like writing and whatnot. Unfortunately even a well cared for electronic device has limits. Demands just got to be too much for the old girl. Oh sweet lady goddess, I am talking about my computer like my little brother has about cars when we have spoken... oh my goodness. I never realized that before. lol Learn something new every day.
-Luna
