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Submitted on
July 2, 2013
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Fantasy is harmony
Escape the strife
Enter a new life
It's magical and
It shall always end
Happily

Fantasy is beauty
Become a princess
Fight something mysterious
It's how you choose it to be
Fantasy is harmony

Fantasy is lovely
All downs go up
Adventures never stop
It's wonderful and
We all believe
Fantasy is beauty

Fantasy is magically
Something that we can never foresee
The wave of a wand
At a beautiful pond
No need to go on because
Fantasy is lovely

Fantasy is harmony
Start to sing
On brand new wings
We all have it in us
We just have to trust
Fantasy will happen Magically
This is the poem that goes along with [link] (Please vote for them both here [link] , number 24)

I hope you enjoy it

(C) VivaFariy
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:icongoldennocturna:
I'm sorry, but I really wasn't feeling the poem. I just...couldn't relate to it. Although, I have to say that it was a good idea to start and end each part with 'Fantasy is...', with the last word being a call back to the third word of the previous part. However, I noticed that you broke rhyme and rhythm in this poem quite frequently. While rhyme isn't necessary for a poem, a little rhythm is. Also, it would help to have some more imagery in the poem as well so that your audience can get a deeper feel and connection to it. I hope I wasn't too harsh.

Keep writing!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
4 out of 4 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconnaktarra:
Hello! I'm Naktarra from :icongrammarnazicritiques: and I'm here to review your poetry today.

At best, this is easily considered a cliche topic. Cliches are not necessarily a bad thing, no; the whole idea of writing a story comes from familiarity. That's why there is categories and why there are variations and why if you look at a lot of books, they are all Cinderella stories with different people. So what I want to you look at when you're working with a topic so big as someone's childhood, someone's books, someone's life, someone's hobbies and an entire genre of life is that you really need to push one or all of the aspects into the topic.

What do I mean? Well, what I'm talking about is that when you choose a topic, you should be able to come from something broad to something very specific. No matter if you're speaking about the entirety of god or the lengths of space, it needs to be a specific topic. Do you want to represent thousands of years of literature along with every supernatural thought and every dream or lie that one has thought of? Or are you looking to represent something smaller, perhaps your specific love of fantasy.

In that case—which would be the closest I could interpret of you poem—instead of involving the reader in a “we” form, that you would want to use something more possessive. So say something like:

Fantasy is harmony
Start to sing
On brand new wings
I know we all have it in us
I just have to trust
Fantasy will happen magically


This makes the topic less broad as now the reader can assume it's about you and how you think that fantasy is a harmony and beauty in the world. Just remember to really-really commit to whatever you say or do in a poem. You have on average about three hundred words to impress and wow someone. You don't need metaphors, your don't need similes and you don't need a set in stone structure. What everyone really needs is a greatly strong topic and a rhythm. You have a rhythm and it's very effective. You just need to dock it to a main theme, tone or idea.

Happy writing! :heart:
Naktarra
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:iconenemom:
Enemom Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
#Broken rhythm, cliche theme, what is the rating of this I deem? 
Odd at best, one thing I detest.
How silly this poem seems.

Alright, I'll cut to the chase, but bear in mind before I make haste. Arrange it better, make it flow. Make it flow like a paddle that rows. Make it original, give it some thought, and then you'll be the best of the lot! 
Reply
:iconvivafariy:
VivaFariy Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2013
Oh, that's so kind of you! Thank you a bunch!
You could say the same thing in a much sweeter way.
Reply
:iconenemom:
Enemom Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I wanted to make it rhyme. :)
Reply
:iconsyber666:
Syber666 Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I love it!!! :heart:

Wish I was this good xD
Reply
:iconvivafariy:
VivaFariy Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2013
Thank you!
This means a lot!
And I'm sure you are even better.
Reply
:iconsyber666:
Syber666 Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I've only written 2-3 poems ^^' They're kinda all depressing, you have a variety though ^^
Reply
:iconvivafariy:
VivaFariy Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2013
I like trying different styles, but I'm pretty bad at them all
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:iconsyber666:
Syber666 Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Not to me. Your poems are amazing :3
Reply
:iconvivafariy:
VivaFariy Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2013
Well thank you
Reply
:iconsimplysilent:
SimplySilent Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2013
Featured here! :heart:
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